Feltham Rambles

You are a Social Liberal (61% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (28% permissive) You are best described as a: Democrat Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

I don’t wanna talk to you anymore
I’m afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue every time you come around
Cause blood in my mouth beats blood off the ground

Hand over my heart I swear,
I’ve tried everything I could within all my power
2 weeks and 1 hour
I slaved and now I’ve got nothing to show
Oh if only you’ve grown taller than a brick wall
From now on
Gonna start holding my breath
When you
Come around and you flex that fake grin
Cause something inside me has said more than twice
That breathing this air
Beats breathing you at all

I don’t wanna talk to you anymore
I’m afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue every time you come around
Cause blood in my mouth beats blood off the ground

Hand over my mouth
I’m earning the right to my silence
In quiet discerning between ego and timing
Good judgment is once again proving to me
That it’s still worth its weight in gold
From now on I’m gonna be so much more weary
When you start to speak and my warm blood starts to boil
Seeing you is like pulling teeth
And hearing your voice is like chewing tin foil

I don’t wanna talk to you anymore
I’m afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue every time you come around
Cause blood in my mouth beats blood off the ground
I’m fast to a better judgment
By saying less today
I will gain more, gain more
No tears to you my, my fickle friend
Youououou you brought the art of silent war

I don’t wanna talk to you anymore
I’m afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue every time you come around
Cause blood in my mouth beats blood off the ground

Been a while I know.

Back in dirty Detroit.

I already miss Newfoundland.

Are the material possessions really worth it? When will I trade the bank account for quality of life? Time will only tell I guess.

Hear today, gone tomorrow… How did this trip go by so fast?

Over and out.

http://www.devilducky.com/media/38792/

http://www.funmansion.com/html/Mario-Theme.html

One-Star Hangover *
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

Two-Star Hangover **
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging isonly increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three-Star Hangover ***
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.

Four-Star Hangover ****
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that
can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five-Star Hangover *****
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the puke fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose-like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now.

HOW TO POOP AT WORK
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all been working in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom.. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you.. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you tomonitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
This is someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire. You can also use that moment to noisily procure a handful of toilet paper.

UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn i nto a pick-up. This was far too
much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying booya".

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell make yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.

Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the crap out of little kids.

Smart Ass Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed at her. Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

Smart Ass Answer #4:

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Smart Ass Answer #3:

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Smart Ass Answer #2:

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2005.......................

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her head and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

2. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

4. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

5. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh
away.

6. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

7. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.

8. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

9. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked
names for his left and right legs.

10. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

If I was a citizen in a country that followed capital punishment, I would ask my sort of elected President, to “liberate” me from this.

But hey! I guess it is better to just get rid of the problem. Studying this individual to understand how we can prevent additional criminals like him is a waste of time…

http://www.canadaka.net/link.php?id=3183&x=http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/World/2005/12/02/1333180-ap.html

Yeeee ha!

I will be heading out West in about 24 hours, the Ski conditions are looking the best they have for this time of year, can't wait to hit the mountains!!!

If you don't drool when you look at the Ski map below than you don't know what you are missing...

If I could choose to sit down with anyone in the world and have a chat over a few beers and a few hand rolled "cigarettes" it would be without a doubt with George Carlin. I have the upmost respect for anyone who tells life as it is.

Been sitting here with my ass in a wad, wanting to speak out about the bullshit going on in New Orleans. For the people of New Orleans...First we would like to say, sorry for your loss. With that said, let's go through a few hurricane rules: (Unlike an earthquake, we know it's coming)

#1. A mandatory evacuation means just that...Get the hell out. Don't blame the Government after they tell you to go. If they hadn't said anything, I can see the argument. They said get out... if you didn't, it's your fault, not theirs. (We don't want to hear it, even if you don't have a car, you can get out.)

#2. If there is an emergency, stock up on water and non-perishables. If you didn't do this, it's not the Government's fault you're starving.

#2a. If you run out of food and water, find a store that has some. (Remember, shoes, TV's, DVD's and CD's are not edible. Leave them alone.)

#2b. If the local store has been looted of food or water, leave your neighbor's TV and stereo alone. (See #2a) They worked hard to get their stuff. Just because they were smart enough to leave during a mandatory evacuation, doesn't give you the right to take their stuff... it's theirs, not yours.

#3. If someone comes in to help you, don't shoot at them and then complain no one is helping you. I'm not getting shot to help save some dumb ass who didn't leave when told to do so.

#4. If you are in your house that is completely under water, your belongings are probably too far gone for anyone to want them. If someone does want them, let them have them and hopefully they'll die in the filth. Just leave! (It's New Orleans, find a voodoo warrior and put a curse on them)

#5. My tax money should not pay to rebuild a 2 million dollar house, a sports stadium or a floating casino. Also, my tax money shouldn't go to rebuild a city that is under sea level. You wouldn't build your house on quicksand would you?? You want to live below sea-level, do your country some good and join the Navy.

#6. Regardless of what the Poverty Pimps Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton want you to believe, the US Government didn't create the Hurricane as a way to eradicate the black people of New Orleans; (Neither did Russia as a way to destroy America). The US Government didn't cause global warming that caused the hurricane (We've been coming out of an ice age for over a million years).

#7. The government isn't responsible for giving you anything. This is the land of the free and the home of the brave, but you gotta work for what you want. McDonalds and Wal-Mart are always hiring, get a damn job and stop spooning off the people who are actually working for a living. President Kennedy said it best..."Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."

I was just thinking about how much this pissed me off and then I realized that I penned something down similar before.

Any case, in addition to the earlier entry about bathroom etiquette, I would like to add that in addition to keeping your cell phone out of the bathroom, you can also keep your Coffee and any other beverage for that matter out of there!

Would you believe that people actually do this? Numerous times in the past month I have watched people walk into the bathroom and lay their Coffee on top of the urinal before proceeding to do nature’s job. There are so many things wrong with this that I will not even begin to list it down. Leave your drink outside of the bathroom!

http://jfeltham.blogspot.com/2005/09/heres-far-fetched-idea-turn-off-your.html

Someone forwarded this to me a couple days back and I have read it a bunch of times. I really think this sums up a lot about our world today. As always, it makes me cherish spending most of my life in an Outport, as this story illustrates it well, you really are richer because of this lifestyle.

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?" "It was great, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked."Oh yeah," said the son. "So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless. Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.

Give a man a fish and he will feed his family for a day

Teach a man to fish and he will feed his family for life

Tell a man to pray for fish and his family will starve

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.

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Margo being Carrie and John of course being Reggie; however, the Rig unfortunately would be Air Canada, so needless to say the Rig is a worthless piece of shit.

Carrie and I purchased our tickets last night for a whopping $1700 to fly back to the Island for the Christmas season. We both leave on the 16th of December, I will return only 11 days later (including the day of travel each way to get to and from there), while Carrie will return on the 30th.

Anytime is a good time to be in Newfoundland, however, Christmas seems to be a cut above the rest in terms of celebrations. A large part of this I guess is due to the fact that the population of the Island has decreased by over 10% in the past decade due to the economic woes which we are facing. The majority of this portion has been our young people, so as you can imagine that each year it is a big reunion of sorts across the Province during the Christmas Holidays. Getting to see so many family and friends from away is a treat, everyone has a story to tell, a drink to share and don’t even get me started on the food!

It’s hard to imagine that this will be my fifth Christmas that I have flown home from afar. I still remember clearly my first Christmas as a “visitor”. I came back for the better part of three weeks and gained just over 12 pounds! Sounds ridiculous, but I think I lost count after eight cooked dinners that year and the bottle of Black Rum I polished off each night didn’t help either.

It is very hard to describe the total sense of unity and belonging that I think most of the Island has, which is amplified over the Holidays. There is not a day that goes by which I don’t feel proud to be a Newfoundlander, that pride of course comes from the connection I have with the Island. And once again that connection will be felt at it’s greatest during the Holiday Season.

See you all Christmas.

Carrie was working last night and I was sitting around the apartment, restless. It was a long tiring day at work and as usual I didn’t feel like doing too much.

I had a sudden urge for a beer, but alas the fridge was empty, plenty of liquor in the cabinet, although that would not satisfy my thirst. Being in sweat pants and not feeling sociable, the martini bar downstairs or seventy pubs, bars and clubs within walking distance were not an option.

Ontario alcohol laws suck.

Even though I am within walking distance to The Beer Store, why should I have to venture that far for a beer? I do fancy the fact that The Beer Store has about 400 different varieties of brew to choose from, but that’s where it ends.

If I were to leave and walk to The Beer Store, I would pass about 12 convince stores, all of which by law can not sell alcohol in Ontario. Although, if I was in Newfoundland all 12 would be stocked to the rafters with cold frosty beers. Back on the Island, you can buy beer at just about any store 7 days a week from 6am – 2am. Then granted on where you are you can possibly get around these restrictions.

Too many laws, too many laws, too many laws…

It may be that the old astrologers had the truth exactly reversed, when they believed that the stars controlled the destinies of men. The time may come when men control the destinies of stars.

Although I am doing a decent job assuming the mindless office worker role, I am being to feel somewhat like Kelsey Grammar. He played the roll of TV’s Frasier for the better part of 20 years, which makes me wonder, has he now become Frasier and not Kelsey anymore?

It is scary to think that up until only 7 years ago I inspired to become an artist. Whether that took me into graphic design, media design, or animation remained to be seen. Whatever the case, how in gods name did I go from there to here? Another question is where exactly is here?

I have been playing this role for the better part of 6 years now and I am already longing to escape. When I look around and see all these people in their 50’s and so on doing the same bullshit day in and day I can’t help but wonder what is wrong with them. If I were to continue this routine for another twenty years, I would be a nervous wreck.

Since the beginning of time, people have searched for the meantime life, whatever it might be, has to be better than working from 8 to 5, Monday to Friday. Perhaps it is because I detest routine that I can not shake this feeling. Or maybe it is because the thought of working to make someone else’s pockets deep doesn’t really appeal to me. Maybe if I actually got the initiative to start up my own small business I wouldn’t mind breaking my back. At least at the end of the day I would have the satisfaction that what I did directly benefited me and not corporate shareholders.

Freedom 30 baby! I have four years to gain whatever experience, training and education that I can gather and then I am off. The problem is getting motivated to go ahead with one of my many business ventures, but I will keep telling myself that when I am 30 I have to take that plunge and risk. How will I ever know if I don’t try?

Keep your fingers crossed.

If you worked for a company that made signs and nothing else, and you went on strike, what exactly would you carry on the picket line?

If you live in or around Detroit, this may just be the funniest thing ever

http://muglets.com/WNW

I have always wondered where the “God bless you” bullshit that I hear each time I sneeze originated from? I guess I could use my friend Google and figure it out; however, to be honest, I don’t really care. I am more interested in figuring out how I can get people to stop asking God to bless me each and every time I sneeze.

I am in no way an expert on the subject, but I am guessing that if there is a God, chances are he has more important tasks to complete than blessing your nose. By all means, if he is going to do that then I am all for it, but something tells me that this is not the case.

Although, perhaps if God wasn’t busy blessing all these noses and such, he could have seen the Earthquake coming in Pakistan and the Hurricane in the Gulf, just a thought.

As I was driving into work this miserable morning, it dawned on me; I left Newfoundland exactly four years ago today.

If I were to reflect and record the places I have been, the people I have met and all the around strange situations I have been since I have left, the end result would be the size of an encyclopedia. I was told at a young age that traveling is the best education that you could ever give yourself and that is something that has held true.

There are an infinite number of crossroads in your life that will alter your destiny; however, my move to the US would be one of the more significant. Less than a month before I took the job in Indiana I was slated to go to Kazakhstan for six months for a job. I feel in love for the first time - I thought that I had experienced love many times before, but was I ever wrong - that summer and decided on the closer move.

To say that Indiana was a culture shock would be a major understatement. If it wasn’t for Carrie I don’t think that I would have survived the first 6 months in Martinsville.

The longer that I have been away, the more I treasure where I came from. As much as I have traveled the world and as many people I have met, there is no group out there like a Newfoundlander. It’s not to say that I have not met good people along the way, I have actually made friends from all walks of life who are truly great individuals that I will never forget. There is just something very different about the Island and the people who live there and call it home.

About 70,000 people have left the Island in the past 15 years, if that is not a sign of a desperate situation than I don’t know what is. Due to this out migration, we have lost an entire generation of our young people. A perfect example, my sister Laura and I live in Windsor and my sister Leah left for Boston just this morning.

Where will I be in four years from now?

I would like to say that I will be living back in Newfoundland, but that remains to be seen I guess. As bad as things have been financially, however, things are on an upswing and if they continue this way it should be fiscally stable for me to move home. With that said, there comes a time in your life when you have to weight out what matters more to you in life. I already know that in the not too distant future, I will take the quality of life you receive in Newfoundland instead of the big pay check.

The ever talented Wayne Chaulk said it better than anyone ever could about the misery Newfoundlanders have suffered about leaving their motherland…

Just to wake up in the morning to the quiet of the cove
And to hear Aunt Bessie talking to herself
And to hear poor Uncle John mumbling wishes to old Nell,
It made me feel like everything was fine.

I was born down by the water, It's here I'm gonna stay;
I've searched for all the reasons why I should go away,
But I haven't got the thrist for all those modern-day toys,
So I'll just take my chances with those salt-water joys.

Following the little brook as it trickles to the shore
In the autumn when the trees are flaming red,
Kicking leaves that fall around me, watching sunset paint the hills,
It's all I'll ever need to feel at home.

This this island that we cling to has been handed down with pride
By folks who fought to live here, taking hardships all in stride,
So I'll compliment her beauty, hold on to my goodbyes,
Stay and take my chances with those salt-water joys.

How can I leave those mornings with the sunrise on the cove
And the gulls like flies surrounding Clayton's wharf?
Platter's Island wrapped in rainbow in the evening after fog,
The ocean smells are perfume to my soul.

Some go to where the buildings reach to meet the clouds,
Where warm and gentle people turn to swarm in faceless crowds.
So I'll do without their riches, the glamour and the noise,
And I'll stay and take my chances with those salt water toys.

Some go to where the buildings reach to meet the clouds,
Where warm and gentle people turn to swarm in faceless crowds.
So I'll do without their riches, the glamour and the noise,
And I'll stay and take my chances with those salt water joys.

Original Story

BUDAPEST (Reuters) - Do you have an accountancy qualification and are you familiar with the bureaucracy of the European Union? Perhaps a career as a shepherd on the plains of southern Hungary beckons.

The "puszta" flatland, traditional home to more than a million sheep, is running out of qualified shepherds and is now importing them from neighboring Romania.
Not only are herd numbers growing, but shepherds must have accountancy skills and, since the country joined the EU last year, be capable of applying for grants, the newspaper Nepszabadsag reported Tuesday.

Ference Silay, who trained as an architect, is an ethnic Hungarian from Romania who now earns a living from the award-winning herd he owns in Domaszek, southern Hungary.
"Being a shepherd isn't just sitting next to your dog on the field all day, smoking a pipe," he told the paper.

I just purchased a flight to Calgary for my Yankee Thanksgiving break; I get into town Wednesday evening and leave on the red eye Sunday night / Monday morning.

This will be my first trip to Alberta, I was initially going to Fort McMurray, but Mike will be working during that weekend, so I ruled that out and instead I will be heading further south to Calgary.

A few Ski Hills (some of the best in the world I may add) will already be open during the weekend, which is a bonus. The Oilers are in town on Saturday, obviously tickets are already sold out, but I am willing to pay extra from a scalper outside to see the biggest rivalry in the NHL!

Going to be a killer trip!

How many times have you heard the media and politicians tell us what Newfoundlanders or Canadians think? “Blah, blah, blah, well the majority of Newfoundlanders think, blah, blah, blah”

Have you ever once been asked what you really think?

As I was sipping on the black water that they pass of as Coffee here at the good old office, I came across this article, it made me smile.

I completely agree that the bitch should not be allowed to enter Canada. The USA and Canada have similar laws forbidding people to enter their country if they have a criminal record and are on probation. Regardless of your financial and celebrity status you should be treated the same.


Criminal past keeps Martha from Nova Scotia

Halifax -- Martha Stewart isn't coming to Nova Scotia after all.

Town of Windsor spokeswoman VanEssa Roberts said that the domestic guru and TV personality can't go to a local pumpkin festival on Sunday because she's not allowed to enter Canada.

Roberts told The Chronicle Herald that she spoke to Stewart by phone from New York and she apologized for the cancellation.

Stewart had planned to take part in a parade and pumpkin-craft race -- which has attracted much publicity in the province.

Stewart was jailed last year and recently finished a home-confinement penalty for lying about a U.S. stock sale.

A person with a criminal record who is on probation is considered inadmissible to Canada, said Iadi Nardi of the Canada Border Services Agency in Ottawa.

Roberts said she was told by Stewart's people it could take a year for her to be admitted to this country. CP

I have been plugging away at work here today - somewhat hung over from my escapades last night – listening to old Metallica on bust through my headphones. It has been such a long time since I have listened to these guys; I almost forgot how bad ass the first couple of albums were.

That’s it, just thought I would write that down, it’s ironic too, as I am listening to Pulling Teeth from the Kill ‘Em All Album at this moment. To be quite honest with you, I would rather have my teeth pulled now than updating this cursed project plan.

…sitting at my desk again, the sun was shinning but it was dark inside the cubicle walls. I do however have a window desk, but I have yet to decide if that is better or worse? Is it a plus that I can gaze out through the glass and see that it is a beautiful day and I am trapped in here, or would it be better to have no view and be none the wiser of the weather outside?

Too many questions that don't have answers.

http://www.zefrank.com/punc/

I have a spell checker

That came with my PC.

It plainly marks four my review

Mistakes I cannot sea.

I've run this poem threw it,

I'm sure your pleased too no.

Its letter perfect in it's weigh

My checker tolled me sew

http://www.clublaugh.com/es-items/712.swf

This is just too funny...

I have been a Travel Agent for thirty years in Washington, D.C... Here are examples why we might just be in trouble!

I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Cape Town is in Africa." Her response (click).

A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state!"

I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada ?" I said, "No." She said, "But they look so close on the map."

An aide for a Bush cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas . When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 a.m. and got into Chicago at 8:33 am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on luggage tags? I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that is very rude?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I 'looked into it' (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After > > going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?"

I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, FL Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, what ever!"

A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!"

A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York." The agent was at a loss for words Finally, the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal," she said.

Now you know why Government is in the shape that it's in.

If using a public washroom was not torture in its own right, now I have to hear people screaming into a piece of electronics while I am gasping for fresh air in there.

For starters, if I am standing in front of a urinal doing my thing and I have my most prized body part in my hand, DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT SAY A WORD TO ME!!! Maybe there is an exception if I know you very well and maybe we have been drinking, I will shoot the breeze for a quick second. However, a message to you total strangers out there who feel compelled to start chit chatting, do me a favor and keep it to yourself, or you might find that my aim will all of a sudden not be so great. Try explaining that piss stain down the entire side of leg to your date asshole.

As if the normal chit chat was not bad enough, I head to the washroom today and some dude is taking the nastiest smelling shit I have ever had the misfortune of smelling, all the while he is screaming on his cell phone. Is there something wrong with this picture? Your call can wait buddy, what did you do before you had the phone?

I don’t care if it’s the Olsen Twins calling me to come over for a threesome; the toilet is one place that I will not answer a phone.

http://www.izpitera.ru/lj/tetka.swf

...God turned to the angel Gabriel and said, "Today I am going to create a land called Canada.

"It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, and beautiful sparkly lakes teeming with carp and trout. There shall be forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."

God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so that the inhabitants prosper, and I shall call these inhabitants Canadians. They shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."

"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"

"Not really," God replied. "Just wait and see the neighbors I am going to give them."

Well, today is the anniversary of my birth and I am at work. Happy Birthday John, for your birthday you get to sit in front of a computer and pretend that you care about what it is you are doing… What is it that I am doing again?

Anyway, let’s ask my good friend Bricktop how he feels about me working on my Birthday?





Thanks buddy, I knew I could count on you for words of wisdom.

Stumbled across this on Michael Moore's website a couple of days ago. It made me smile, but then it made me angry, and then smile again, and then angry again...

Friday, September 2nd, 2005
Vacation is Over... an open letter from Michael Moore to George W. Bush

Friday, September 2nd, 2005

Dear Mr. Bush:

Any idea where all our helicopters are? It's Day 5 of Hurricane Katrina and thousands remain stranded in New Orleans and need to be airlifted. Where on earth could you have misplaced all our military choppers? Do you need help finding them? I once lost my car in a Sears parking lot. Man, was that a drag.

Also, any idea where all our national guard soldiers are? We could really use them right now for the type of thing they signed up to do like helping with national disasters. How come they weren't there to begin with?

Last Thursday I was in south Florida and sat outside while the eye of Hurricane Katrina passed over my head. It was only a Category 1 then but it was pretty nasty. Eleven people died and, as of today, there were still homes without power. That night the weatherman said this storm was on its way to New Orleans. That was Thursday! Did anybody tell you? I know you didn't want to interrupt your vacation and I know how you don't like to get bad news. Plus, you had fundraisers to go to and mothers of dead soldiers to ignore and smear. You sure showed her!

I especially like how, the day after the hurricane, instead of flying to Louisiana, you flew to San Diego to party with your business peeps. Don't let people criticize you for this -- after all, the hurricane was over and what the heck could you do, put your finger in the dike?

And don't listen to those who, in the coming days, will reveal how you specifically reduced the Army Corps of Engineers' budget for New Orleans this summer for the third year in a row. You just tell them that even if you hadn't cut the money to fix those levees, there weren't going to be any Army engineers to fix them anyway because you had a much more important construction job for them -- BUILDING DEMOCRACY IN IRAQ!

On Day 3, when you finally left your vacation home, I have to say I was moved by how you had your Air Force One pilot descend from the clouds as you flew over New Orleans so you could catch a quick look of the disaster. Hey, I know you couldn't stop and grab a bullhorn and stand on some rubble and act like a commander in chief. Been there done that.

There will be those who will try to politicize this tragedy and try to use it against you. Just have your people keep pointing that out. Respond to nothing. Even those pesky scientists who predicted this would happen because the water in the Gulf of Mexico is getting hotter and hotter making a storm like this inevitable. Ignore them and all their global warming Chicken Littles. There is nothing unusual about a hurricane that was so wide it would be like having one F-4 tornado that stretched from New York to Cleveland.

No, Mr. Bush, you just stay the course. It's not your fault that 30 percent of New Orleans lives in poverty or that tens of thousands had no transportation to get out of town. C'mon, they're black! I mean, it's not like this happened to Kennebunkport. Can you imagine leaving white people on their roofs for five days? Don't make me laugh! Race has nothing -- NOTHING -- to do with this!

You hang in there, Mr. Bush. Just try to find a few of our Army helicopters and send them there. Pretend the people of New Orleans and the Gulf Coast are near Tikrit.

Yours,

Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.com
www.MichaelMoore.com

P.S. That annoying mother, Cindy Sheehan, is no longer at your ranch. She and dozens of other relatives of the Iraqi War dead are now driving across the country, stopping in many cities along the way. Maybe you can catch up with them before they get to DC on September 21st.

"Dad damn you."

"Holy Mom, mother of me."

"Dad."

"Dad Damn it!"

"Myself almighty."

"Good me."

"Me, Mom, and Mom's husband ..."

"Me."

Apparently yesterday, my good friend George W. Bush flew over New Orleans to see first hand the damage caused by that slut Katrina.

He was quoted as saying, “There are tens of thousands of buildings damaged beyond repair and it will take billions of dollars and many years of effort to rebuild this great city”… Hmm… Are you sure that he wasn’t flying over Detroit???

Back in 1989 the band The Tragically Hip released one of their greatest albums "Up to Here". The best track on the album was New Orleans is Sinking. Hmmm...

New Orleans Is Sinking

Alright!

Bourbon blues on the street, loose and complete
Under skies all smoky blue green
I can't forsake a dixie dead shake
So we danced the sidewalk clean
My memory is muddy
What's this river that I'm in?
New Orleans is sinking man
And I don't wanna swim

Colonel Tom, what's wrong? what's going on?
You can't tie yourself up for a deal
He said, Hey north you're south shut your big mouth,
You gotta do what you feel is real
Ain't got no picture postcards, ain't got no souvenirs
My baby, she don't know me when I'm thinking bout those years

Pale as a light bulb hanging on a wire
Sucking up to someone just to stoke the fire
Picking out the highlights of the scenery
Saw a little cloud that looked a little like me

I had my hands in the river
My feet back up on the banks
Looked up to the lord above
And said, hey man thanks
Sometimes I fell so good, I gotta scream
She said Gordie baby I know exactly what you mean
She said, she said, I swear to god she said

My memory is muddy
What's this river that I'm in?
New Orleans is sinking man and I don't wanna swim

Swim!

Dear Abby,

I have been so very blessed throughout my life over the years. Great
parents, great wife, and kids, nice house, a great job, and a great
education.

When I finally retired, I could hardly wait to spend all my time just
enjoying my favorite pastime, bass fishing.

I even got my own little fishing boat and tried my best to get my wife
to join me, but she just never liked fishing.

Finally, one day at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam, the
shop owner, who it turned out loves bass fishing as much as I do. We
quickly became fishing buddies.

As I said before, the wife just doesn't care a thing about my Bass fishing: she not only refuses to join us, she also complains that I spend too much time Bass fishing.

A few weeks ago Sam and I had just the best fishing trip ever. Not only
did I catch the most beautiful bass you've ever seen, only a few minutes
later Sam must have caught his twin brother!

So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice bass that we caught
and showed the picture to the wife hoping that maybe she'd get interested.

Instead she says she doesn't want me to go fishing anymore at all! --
Ever!!!

And to top that off, she wants me to sell the boat!

I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself at all.

What would you do? Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or
quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists?

Thanks,

A fisherman

P.S. I have enclosed the picture of Sam showing off the bass that we
caught.

Stealing from a friend, but I had to share the joy... This is the greatest thing I have read in a long time.

How to start your day with a positive attitude:

1. Create a "new folder" on your Desktop.
2. Name it "George W. Bush".
3. Delete it.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. Your computer will ask you: "Do you really want to delete "George W. Bush"?
Calmly answer, "Yes", and press the mouse button firmly...

Sometimes I wish that I could leave my physical self and watch John Watkins Feltham in action, like a fly on the wall. Last night added another interesting chapter in the story that is my life, the strangest life I have ever lived.

Upon finishing some sightseeing and dinner in downtown Karlsruhe, Germany, I returned to my Hotel room and realized that I would not be visiting the sandman anytime soon (jetlag you see my friends). Giving it some grave thought, I figured that a couple of cold ones would help my scrambled brain, “a couple of beers” famous last words for me it seems.

My first night in Karlsruhe I found a great intimate Irish Pub called Scruffy’s. Monday nights the house band The Krusty Moors host an Irish Folk session. As I arrived I bumped into a friend I made a few nights earlier, a fantastic Norwegian guy named Espen. After drinking a few courage adders together, I approached the band to ask if I could play a song or two. Long story short, a song or two ended up being a two hour set rocking out the little Irish Pub.

The Krusty Moors have an incredibly talented band (to order a CD, email oli@hofmannweb.de), a German guy on the Fiddle, Mandolin and some Irish lads on the drum or flute and the double acoustic bass. From time to time a person or two also joined in on some of the songs with guitars, mandolins, drum or even the most world’s most classic instrument, the spoons. Overall it was a great jam, 95% of the songs that we played were classic Newfoundland folk tunes which the crowd enjoyed immensely. It was sentimental for me given the fact that I got to export some of our unique culture to the mainly local German crowd.

It’s now time for the Pub to close and all the patrons have left for the night. You would think that I would call it a night, given I work at 8am tomorrow. No. Again a long story short, I stayed behind in the closed Pub with the bartenders, band and groupies ‘till 4:30am in the morning drinking free beers, enjoying a bunch of cones (of the non ice cream type) and jamming on the six string.

How does this seem to always happen? Everywhere I go I end up in strange situations, making friends and spreading the Good Samaritan way of life. I would make the world’s greatest millionaire - traveling the entire globe, stopping in and out towns, meeting people, sharing my culture while appreciating theirs.

Here are a couple of photos from my night… Click on any photo to visit the entire album my latest trip...

Permissive African traditions spread AIDS
(Reuters)

ISIOLO, Kenya - Men in the arid, remote Kenyan town of Isiolo have long had sex with young virgins to purge themselves of afflictions or curses.


Now the age-old custom practised by the nomadic peoples of Kenya’s northeastern province is increasingly being used as a cure for HIV/AIDS.

Nassir hesitantly admits he slept with a nine-year-old girl because the clan elders in Isiolo, 200 km (124.3 miles) northeast of Kenyan capital Nairobi, said it would rid him of frequent bouts of illness brought on by HIV.

“I was given a girl of nine years to sleep with for a week,” Nassir said. “I took pity on her but if it wasn’t for this disease I wouldn’t have slept with her...I had to do what the elders had said.”

Isiolo’s pastoralist community practices a mix of traditional African beliefs. Illiteracy is high and AIDS is shrouded in stigma and superstition.

“I am still afraid (that I may die), but there are many people from my area who have done it,” Nassir said. “Many survive, many die.”

Although he paid 15,000 shillings ($195.9) and his mother gave up two goats for the purging ceremony, Nassir still gets ill once in a while and goes for treatment in a clinic run by a local charity whose Swahili name Pepo La Tumaini Jangwani, means Wind of Hope in the Arid Land.

After the ceremony, which includes gouging out a goat’s heart while it is still alive, the people of the village engage in a sexual orgy intended to help a son or brother cleanse himself.

Nassir said he would get tested at the end of the year to see if he has been cured.

Breeding ground
Two million of Kenya’s 30 million people are HIV-positive and 1.5 million have already died.

Khadija Omar Rama, the founder of the Tumaini charity said that despite the fact that up to 800 Kenyans die every day from AIDS, communities like Isiolo continue to embrace traditional practices which actively help to spread AIDS.

Another ancient custom permits men of the same generation to have indiscriminate and unprotected sex with the wives of their peers. A spear propped by the door of a man’s house means that someone else from his age group is in bed with his wife.

“None of us is jealous about someone else sleeping with our wives because we all do it,” said Nassir, who says he has slept with the wives of many men, even though he suspects he has HIV.

Nassir thinks his wife, who died shortly after his cleansing ceremony, was infected with AIDS. She was never tested.

One woman who did not want to be named said her husband stabbed her in the eye for objecting to having their daughter take part in a cleansing ceremony.

She now belongs to the Maula, a group of women sponsored by Tumaini who hope to convince people to abandon the old ways by reporting the use of girls in purging ceremonies and offering alternative rituals for men with AIDS.

Alternative cleansing rites

Rama says alternative cleansing rituals are highly contentious and the Maula must operate in secret. Men who do visit, come to them under the cover of darkness.

“The women have to be very discreet about the alternative method of cleansing and this is counter-productive for their campaign,” Rama said.

In a dome-shaped hut made of sticks, nine veiled Maula members sit in a semi-circle for the cleansing ceremony. The earthen floor is covered in mats and all footwear is left outside what is now considered holy ground.

Popcorn, roasted coffee berries cooked in oil, coffee cups, sugar cubes and a bar of soap lie in the centre while a pungent smell from a small incense burner passed from woman to woman as part of the ritual, assaults the nostrils.

Rama said reporting traditional purging ceremonies to the authorities can sometimes cause further trauma for the girls who have been forced to take part. She said two girls disappeared after the Maula reported that they had been forced to take part. One is still missing.

One traditional custom which may help save some women from the deadly virus that has afflicted much of sub Saharan Africa comes at a price.

Many women who suspect their husbands are infected with AIDS or HIV have been turning to sufis, women healers, to put off their husband’s advances.

Traditionally, a woman seeking to join an elder council or tribal leadership is required to stop having sex and will ask a sufi to her bedroom to discourage her husband. In such circumstances the husband eventually gives up.

But women who choose to use a sufi are not permitted to ever have sex again and they are killed if caught in the act.

Enough is enough. I just finished reading an article about Michael Jackson’s most recent accuser and how she was receiving Welfare checks. All the while she had gotten a settlement from an earlier get rich quick claim in the ballpark of $300,000.

Welfare is an issue that irritates me to no end. As it is with most systems we have here on the third rock from the sun, it is good in principle, but that is just about where it ends.

Depending on what side of the border that you are living on, you can be expected to pay anywhere from 20-50% of your pay in taxes. What percentage of this ludicrous rapping goes to Welfare payouts is beyond me. However, when looking around at the total number of filthy animals in North America that have drinking beer, buying cigarettes, smoking dope, gambling and shitting out litters of youngsters as their daily job descriptions, one can only assume it’s a fair junk of change.

Don’t get me wrong, the sick, the disabled and the mentally unstable people of the world should receive some sort of payment for their inability to secure an income of their own. But the line should be drawn there.

We have created a system that rewards people for failure.

Welfare recipients should be available resources for hard working, tax paying citizens such as myself. For example, if I own a house that has a large yard and a fence that requires painting where do I find the time to do these tasks? I, like most decent people, are away from their home anywhere from 10-14 hours a day, contributing to society and providing stability for their family and municipal area. When I return home I have a maximum of 4-5 hours to kill before getting the sleep required to contribute to society again the next day. During this time the last thing that I want to do is manual labor around the house.

My neighbour who is a Welfare recipient essentially gets through life with money that is taken from my pay checks. It is too far fetched for me to think that he should take the crack pipe out of his mouth for one day, stop watching Jerry Springer in his crusty underwear and make his way over to my house and cut my grass?

Of course he could not do all of my chores, that would be slavery (and let’s be honest, we don’t need more people using that excuse for their inability to function in society). But, I should be able to contact the local Welfare office, inform them I have some legitimate manual labor here that requires attention and for them to send one of their customers over to complete it or they will cut off his payments. Not that it would affect him that much, because he is most likely giving it all back to Government anyway though alcohol, cigarette and gambling taxes. Actually, I have often thought it would make sense for slot machines to accept government checks, since that’s where half of them end up anyway.

Bottom line, there is an abundance of work out there for anyone who can get up off their lazy arses. Whether that work is clipping someone’s grass, painting someone fence, shoveling shit against the wind or painting the lines on the German Autobahn during rush hour traffic, there is no shortage or work.

We need to change our society and make people responsible for their actions, and get out of this vicious cycle of rewarding people for laziness.

A perfect example is the current structure in the Newfoundland education system. My two sisters and I decided to attend a post secondary institution, and required to apply for student loans to fund us through our schooling. When it’s all said and done we will have about $175,000 in funds to pay back to the Government and their private banks, due to their mafia type interest on these loans. Coming from a hard working, tax paying family we have no other option, but to pay off these hefty loans and suffer for the better part of 10 years upon completing the degree before becoming fiscally stable. The Government is not doing a well enough job in assisting people who pursue a degree. These people are our future leaders and want to better their selves and contribute to society, rather than be a draw on it.

If the tables were turned and the three of us walked down the other path into a lifetime of Welfare bliss, the Government would shower us with rewards. How is this possible! As I just estimated, it will cost us about $175,000 for three of us to complete our schooling; wouldn’t it be a better investment for the Government to provide this amount free of charge? If you estimate that the life expectancy of the average Canadian is somewhere around 80 years and if for 60 of those years we received standard Welfare, you are looking at about $2,160,000. All of this, the Government would give us free of charge without asking for a SINGLE CENT BACK!!!

The system has to change and the further that I think about this, the more I feel like doing a Guy Fox job on the Parliament buildings in Canada.

I had intended to try and write something down about my latest travels to Newfoundland. The short version is that I had an unbelievable time once again on many different levels. I have to remind myself to at least write something about my trip out to Deer Island.

--> http://felthamkeats.smugmug.com/gallery/719813

I have been trying to pack up my clothes here at the moment, before I fly off to Germany on an Airline that will be going on strike 4 hours after I leave Detroit. Cross your fingers for me, and if you have lost all your fingers in the war or in a vending machine, well then cross your eyes for me.

More to come…

I just hooked up my laptop here at the office to get it ready for my trip to Germany this week and I stumbled across this piece of text that I wrote on route to Newfoundland a couple of weeks ago... ;)

If Air Canada was a disease it would without a doubt be herpes. Something that no matter how hard you try you just can’t seem to get rid of it, sort of like a dead beat friend who tells you that he is going through a rough time and needs a place to stay.

Once again as I am flying with this pathetic excuse of an airline, we are running behind schedule. Should I be somewhat shocked or even remotely surprised? You would think that if each and every time you were forced to fly on this monopoly corporation in Canada that you would be used to its deplorable service. However, as hard as I try to swallow this pill it doesn’t seem to go down.

Let’s start from the beginning…

The journey began approximately seven hours ago in the good ol’ Windsor Airport. Having a bag for my scuba equipment, a bag for my clothes and of course my trusty six string, I was forced to pay and extra $25 (plus tax) for my “excess luggage”. To which I replied, “How about you give me a voucher, and if my three bags arrive unharmed in St. John’s I will gladly pay Air Canada for its troubles”.

Upon departing from the glorified wood shed that they call the Windsor Airport, we mysteriously arrive 10 minutes late in Toronto. It could have been much worse I suppose, the plane could have been sent to Windsor, England and I would be typing this nonsense from the departure lounge.

After paying $17.55 for two single Bacardi Black Rum and Cokes (Lard Thunderin’ Jesus, I can’t wait to buy some Old Sam’s tomorrow in Newfoundland) from the Airport bar, I look at my watch and notice that we should be departing now.

I am on the plane now…

Since the last thought and the thought that I am about to write, 45 minutes passed before our plane left Toronto on route to Montreal.

“Sahdasdasj dlkajsdkjsadlk ajslkdjalkjdlkasjdlk ajsdlkjaslkanxlk sajdlksajdlksaj dlksajdlksad” or something similar was spoken to the passengers as we land in Montreal. Remember we are in Quebec now and French is required to be spoken first. Actually that reminds me of a joke… Why were the Newfie’s so excited to hear that Quebec was leaving Canada? Because it would be a shorter drive to Toronto. Funny eh? Even more funny to me, because it doesn’t make sense to the Yankee sitting next to me. Why do I know this? Well, because they know just about as much of the geographical and political makeup of their neighbour and biggest trading partner to the North as I know about why I have hair on my ass and some guys don’t. Seriously, don’t they teach you people anything about the rest of the world?

Anyway, back to the story…

So we land in Montreal and I am gut founded, I am serious when I say I think my stomach was trying to eat me. They have cut out food on the flights now, although the price of tickets has gone up and not down (major airlines will tell you it’s because people are not flying, funny because the Wall Street Journal tells me that airline traffic is the highest it’s been in 6 years).

“Due to our unexplained delays, travelers continuing to St. John’s can not leave the plane”. Yeah… It took me all of 3.543 seconds to make my way up to the front of the plane and tell the Stewardess (that’s right STEWARDESS, fuck you and your fancy “Flight Attendant” title) that, “I am starved and had anticipated an hour layover in Montreal and really need some food”.

“Oh, I am sorry sir; we can not let you leave”. At this point I see the other Air Wench pulling out a piping hot piece of quiche out of the tray, which of course I say, “How about giving me some of that?”, “That food is for our first class passengers”, she replied.

“Well, miss (I am assuming that this was a miss, she had both breasts and a mustache) either I get a piece of that quiche or I really need to get of the plane and get some snacks”. Long story short she tells me that I can’t get off the plane, which to me and my quick tongue reply, “Well… Fuck you then”.

After returning to my seat, she is back on to the speaker to inform all passengers that it will be sometime before we depart and that we can quickly leave the plane for snacks etc… Of course I leave and grace my new found friend with a smile.

During my return to the plane, my buddy asks me to step aside for a moment and that I explain my aggressive conversation with her earlier. I of course talk my way out of the situation, but she informs me that she has the right to not allow me back on the plane for using vulgar language… Has the entire world gone mad?

It is about 11:30pm now and if landing in St. John’s at 12:30am wasn’t bad enough, it doesn’t appear that we will be getting there now till at least 1:00am. This time does not include exiting the air craft nor standing around the luggage carrousel to find my luggage that is either a) missing b) destroyed or c) Who knows? Maybe this time, my luggage mixed with some toxic waste in the storage area, and has since grown a third leg and “likes” me.

FUCK AIR CANADA - I guess that is the jest here, I am in the back of the plane; my seat does not go back, which has always confused me to no end!!! Was it really that big of an issue to spare an extra three inches so the people in the back of the plane could also put their chair back like the other 300 passengers on this god forsaken plane. To add to this, my tray is broken on one side so I am typing on a 45 while the lady ahead of me is squirming around like she has a case of the clap.

At least Jack White is keeping me somewhat sane here as he is rocking and rolling in my earphones like no one else can. Bottom line, The White Stripes Kick Ass, Air Canada can suck my ass.

What a time, what a time, what a time...

The beauty of the Island and the uniqueness of the crowd that surrounds you did not disappoint again.

More to come, when I embrace and accept that I am back and well, from singing in the saltwater and sun to sitting in the smog…

I am about to leave in an hour for the motherland. It has been four years since I have been back to Newfoundland in the summer, to say that I am thrilled would be an understatement.

I thought I would take a moment to say, screw this place and all the people in it (except for a few and you know who you are!!!) ‘cause I am going home!!!

I have enrolled in a new program towards my BSc in Information Science and finally set aside some time tonight to dig into the course. While playing the role of the "good student" out of nowhere, Real Player bent me over my desk and violently rammed me up the ass with it's useless software.

What is the purpose of streaming media? I wish someone would tell me, because frankly I am sick to my stomach with it. At least 80% of the time when I try to watch a video within Real Player that has steaming media it craps out on me. Just let me download the cursed video to my local PC and I will then watch it on my own time!!!

Instead of my getting course related material through this mandatory video I am now writing in the world of Blog.

To Real Player and any other geniuses out there that feel that streaming media is the way to go, YOU CAN KISS MY HAIRY ASS WITH YOUR TOUNGE OUT!!!

O’ Man. I have been on the go.

I haven’t felt this good in a while. The sun has been splitting the rocks here in Southern Ontario. It has almost been too hot, especially since this area has some of the worst quality of air in Canada. Oh well, if it’s not one thing killing us it’s the other, just try to keep the windows closed when sleeping; don’t need to breath in the burning steel from Detroit.

Anyway, as active as we have been in the summer, it has been great this past couple of weeks to step it up a notch.

Rollerblading down through the city to the riverfront is awesome, spinning and hopping off steps and rails before reaching the river and doing a 14Km round trip on the riverfront. You pass so many people enjoying their lives, relaxing with the best view of the Detroit city line. I am in no way an expert in the subject, but perhaps a good pamphlet for the riverfront park should say, “Have you always wanted to see historic Detroit crumble, but are allergic to crack heads? Then we are your park! Enjoy all the Best views of Detroit without “the other stuff”.

My buddy Kevin and I drove down to Hicksville, Ohio in the early A.M on Saturday to the WhiteStar Quarry and got in two decent dives, although the visibility was the pits.

Sunday morning Carrie and I were up at the crack of dawn and off to the races. We were part of a 22 person crew on an International Dragon Boat Race. After spending the entire day in the sun and racing like savages, we made it to the final heat in Division A. Somehow we fell apart when the pressure was on… However, we finished 4th overall out of a total of 47 boats. We missed a medal by a hundredth of a second. Overall it was a killer time and a great cause, also to say that I was sore on Monday morning would be an understatement.

Photos here = http://felthamkeats.smugmug.com/gallery/669131

After a couple of rides through the city last week, I finally got my bike out on the trail in Michigan today with my co-worker Martha. I bought a bike last week from another co-worker Kurt (why does one feel compelled to always add the label “co-worker” in front of someone that you work with? We have too many formalities). Let me rephrase the beginning of the paragraph… This evening I went out with my friend Martha after work with the bike I bought off my buddy Kurt. Now that we have that straightened away…

The ride was great, it has been so long since I have been on a trail and the bike is great (although it needs some minor modifications) we did a little over 22Km which was not too bad for my first day out and I feel great now!

I guess the moral of this story is… wait a minute…did I start out with a moral? Well, if there was a moral of this story, it would be, exercise makes me feel great and I hope I can keep this trend up, ‘cause damn it’s so much easier being a fat ass.

9 out of 10 Werewolves agree that No Name Louisiana Hot Sauce is better than Frank's Red Hot Sauce.

Confused?... So Am I.

My Sharona - The Knack

This sucks on some many levels... Please visit the link below and respond, if there is a god, someone else out there has a song more horrible than mine...

http://uzful.org/number_one_day_born.php

What makes this sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much worse is that anytime I hear this dreadful song, all I can hear is Cheech sing (from the movie Up in Smoke, I think) ... MY SCROTUM!

Enough is enough, I am sick of seeing these supermarket woman magazines with their unrealistic answers to questions, pointless articles and endless surveys. Here’s a sample of the new Dear Feltham Man’s answer to Cosmo type questions…


Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing, your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you’re still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you loose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day: then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it’s a great time to clean the house too!) Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn’t know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, a present it to your husband as a gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; he should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I’m not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you’ve forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

http://www.illuminati-news.com/marijuana-conspiracy.htm

Some people are like Slinkies...

Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your facewhen you push them down a flight of stairs.

http://events.startcast.com/events/10/B0067/code/media/media.asp?part=24&format=win&bitrate=500_v

My name it is Robert, they call me Bob Pittman,
I sail on the Ino with skipper Tom Brown;
I'm bound to have Dolly or Biddy or Molly,
As soon as I'm able to plank the cash down.

We'll rant and we'll roar like true Newfoundlanders,
We'll rant and we'll roar on deck and below;
Until we see bottom inside of two sunkers,
Then straight through the channel to Toslow we'll go.

I'm the son of a seacook and a cook on a trader,
I can dance, I can sing, I can reef the main boom;
I can handle a jigger and I cuts a fine figure,
Whenever I gets in a boat's standing room.

We'll rant and we'll roar like true Newfoundlanders,
We'll rant and we'll roar on deck and below;
Until we see bottom inside of two sunkers,
Then straight through the channel to Toslow we'll go.

If the voyage is good then this fall I will do it,
I want two-pound-ten for a ring and a priest;
A couple of dollars for clean shirts and collars,
And a handful of coppers to make up a feast.

We'll rant and we'll roar like true Newfoundlanders,
We'll rant and we'll roar on deck and below;
Until we see bottom inside of two sunkers,
Then straight through the channel to Toslow we'll go.

I went to a dance one night in Fox Harbour,
There were plenty of girls as nice as you'd wish;
There was one pretty maiden a-chawing of frankgum,
Just like a young kitten a-gnawing fresh fish.

We'll rant and we'll roar like true Newfoundlanders,
We'll rant and we'll roar on deck and below;
Until we see bottom inside of two sunkers,
Then straight through the channel to Toslow we'll go.

There's plump little Polly, her name is Goldsworthy,
There's John Coady's Kitty and Mary Tibbo;
There's Clara from Brule and young Martha Foley,
But the nicest of all is my girl from Toslow.

We'll rant and we'll roar like true Newfoundlanders,
We'll rant and we'll roar on deck and below;
Until we see bottom inside of two sunkers,
Then straight through the channel to Toslow we'll go.

Farewell and adieu to ye fair ones of Valen,
Farewell and adieu to ye ones in the Cove;
Now let ye be jolly, don't be melancholy,
For I can't marry all or in the chokey I'd be.

We'll rant and we'll roar like true Newfoundlanders,
We'll rant and we'll roar on deck and below;
Until we see bottom inside of two sunkers,
Then straight through the channel to Toslow we'll go.

Farewell and adieu to you girls of Fox Harbour,
Oderin and Presque, Crabbes Hole and Brule;
I'm bound to the westward to the wall with the hole in,
For I can't marry all or in the chokey I'd be.

We'll rant and we'll roar like true Newfoundlanders,
We'll rant and we'll roar on deck and below;
Until we see bottom inside of two sunkers,
Then straight through the channel to Toslow we'll go.

Farewell and adieu to ye girls of St. Kyran's,
Of Paradise and Presque, big and little Bona;
I'm bound unto Toslow to marry sweet Biddy,
And if I don't do so, I'm afraid of her da.

We'll rant and we'll roar like true Newfoundlanders,
We'll rant and we'll roar on deck and below;
Until we see bottom inside of two sunkers,
Then straight through the channel to Toslow we'll go.

I've bought me a house from Katherine Davis,
A twenty-pound bed from Jimmy McGraw;
I'll get me a settle, a pot and a kettle,
And then I'll be ready for Biddy - hurrah!

We'll rant and we'll roar like true Newfoundlanders,
We'll rant and we'll roar on deck and below;
Until we see bottom inside of two sunkers,
Then straight through the channel to Toslow we'll go.

Just when I think that I can’t be shocked anymore I stumble across stellar journalism like the article below from MSNBC.

http://msnbc.msn.com/ID/8139434

Did a blood clot kill Jesus on the cross? To allow this to sink in, let me write it once more, did a blood clot kill Jesus on the cross?

I would have thought it was being beaten like a rented mule, dragged up across a cliff with a hunk of wood on his back and then left to welter in the sun like a salt cod fish on a flake.

What rock did these “experts” crawl up from and who is paying them to publish such garbage. Blaming a blood clot as the reason a person died during a crucifixion is like blaming a yeast infection as the primary cause of death for a lady who was buried alive.

Let’s just say that it was a blood clot that killed the father, the son and the holy ghost. How would you ever figure this out 2000 years after the fact? Did the “experts” gather up the guys from CSI Miami, along with a couple of flashlights and some shovels and dig Jesus up and perform an autopsy?

We interrupt this regular scheduled Blog to bring you breaking news… Today a 28 year old male was thought earlier to have died from a house fire, “experts” now believe that as he was being burned alive, a bag of pretzels fell from a shelve and he choked to death on the pretzel. There were no remains or scientific evidence to back this up, but since we used the words "experts" and published it online, it must be true!

**************************************

Did a blood clot kill Jesus on the cross?
Experts debate scenario for
pulmonary embolism

The Associated Press
Updated: 8:15 p.m. ET
June 9, 2005


JERUSALEM - Jesus may have died from a blood clot that reached his lungs, an Israeli physician said Wednesday, challenging the popular conception that he died of asphyxiation and blood loss during his crucifixion.

Dr. Benjamin Brenner, a researcher at the Rambam Medical Center in the Israeli port city of Haifa, said he was publicizing his theory to raise awareness about pulmonary embolism, a potentially fatal disorder often associated with long-distance air travel.

However, the author of an earlier in-depth medical report into the cause of Jesus’ death dismissed the theory, and Bible scholars said that while establishing the physical cause of Jesus’ death was interesting, it ignored the spiritual dimension.

“It is known that the common cause of death in the setting of multiple trauma,
immobilization and dehydration is pulmonary embolism,” Brenner wrote in the
Journal of Thrombosis and Haemostasis. “This fits well with Jesus’ condition and
actually was in all likelihood the major cause of death of crucified victims.”

A pulmonary embolism is caused when a blood clot travels to the lungs, usually from the leg, causing an acute shortness of breath and chest pains. It is frequently fatal.
Based on scripture and scientific papersBrenner based his understanding of Jesus’ condition at the time of his death on a 1986 paper published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, which referred to the New Testament and contemporary religious sources.

That paper found that before his crucifixion, Jesus went 12 hours without food or water, was under emotional stress, was beaten and forced to walk to the crucifixion site carrying the heavy cross beam of the cross on which he was crucified. He also was scourged before being nailed to the cross, leading to some blood loss.

Brenner said the authors may have missed the blood clot possibility because it was not fully understood then.

“The field of blood coagulation has gone through significant changes in the past 20 years,” he wrote.

But Dr. William D. Edwards, a co-author of the original paper, dismissed Brenner’s theory, saying he was well aware of the effects of pulmonary embolisms at the time.

“We didn’t list it in our article because we didn’t consider it a likely cause,” Edwards said, replying to questions by e-mail from the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn. “Jesus was on the cross for only six hours. It seems unlikely that a large deep leg vein thrombus could develop and cause fatal pulmonary embolization in that short time.”

Bible scholars said that focusing on Jesus’ physical suffering as the cause of death missed the point.

“What they are doing is the autopsy of the physical body, which is always interesting from an academic standpoint,” said Stephen Pfann, a Bible scholar in Jerusalem. “But if people concentrate on that part of the event alone they are missing the most important part, which is the spiritual suffering.“The major trauma for the son of God is the spiritual trauma, the loneliness feeling the rejection of God and the shame of the world that came upon him at that point,” he said.