The bank
Sunday, January 29, 2006 | 2 comments »
I was at the bank the other day and inquired about getting an additional online account with my branch.
The lady tried her best to give me information and I told her it would be great if I could get it set up, so I would not have to come in as deal with ‘you people’ anymore. I said this in jest of course, to which she replied, “You people? What is that supposed to me? Are you racist? (She is from middle eastern decent)”.
I said, “Oh don’t worry, I hate all people on this earth equally, you are not special”.
The lady tried her best to give me information and I told her it would be great if I could get it set up, so I would not have to come in as deal with ‘you people’ anymore. I said this in jest of course, to which she replied, “You people? What is that supposed to me? Are you racist? (She is from middle eastern decent)”.
I said, “Oh don’t worry, I hate all people on this earth equally, you are not special”.
Cheer up! The worst is yet to come! – Mark Twain
Another Sunday and it is raining outside.
We are just a couple of days from February and yesterday Carrie and I sat outside a pub in Walkerville and enjoyed a mouth watering lunch with a couple of tasty pints. As good as this was, I guess it is also terrible.
The headlines read today that Canada experienced the warmest January in over 100 years. I guess there are some advantages to Global Warming after all eh? The upside of course will be short-lived; the long term affect, such as our family home in Glovertown being submerged under the waters of Bloody Bay is not as tasty as that beer outside during mid winter.
A dear friend of the family told me something over the holidays that has stuck with me ever since. She filled me in on the total shock and anguish she felt while visiting Toronto this past summer.
For the better part of her life, she has lived in a green existence. Whether that is recycling every container, composting food, turning off all lights, basically she has conserved energy at all times. Imagine the rude awaking of leaving her paradise on the edge of the ocean and entering the concrete jungle.
It suddenly hit her that all of her efforts have been in vain. She is such a small piece of the overall puzzle, that why should any of us even bother. The amount of energy that one of these building exerts in a day is more than I will create in my entire life!
Just a couple of weeks ago it was 18c in St. John’s! Further north in the province, people from the Gander area (the snowiest town in North America) have yet to use their snow mobiles.
But, of course the globe is not warming up, George W. Bush told me so on Fox News, so it must not be true! Our newly elected minority Prime Minister, Stephen Harper will tell you the same story. That is interesting though, because another source shared a story with me that made me believe otherwise.
My grandfather – what do old people know though – also shared his views on our warming planet. For centuries, a people’s very way of life was determined by the regularity of the seasons. Sure, there were times when the weather would go extreme, but for the most part you could set your watch to it.
Every year, he explained, you would count on the seasons to survive. The spring would come at a certain time and you would get your Schooners and ready and launched for the upcoming season. The fishing would last a set amount of time, right before the fall and then the constant cool winds would dry the fish on the flakes. With winter, the frozen bays and ponds allowed you to haul wood for heat. This cycle would continue up until recent times, now weather patterns change to the extremes every year.
I guess the end is inevitable; I for one will enjoy the global warming for the meantime and leave now to grill a couple of burgers outside.
Another Sunday and it is raining outside.
We are just a couple of days from February and yesterday Carrie and I sat outside a pub in Walkerville and enjoyed a mouth watering lunch with a couple of tasty pints. As good as this was, I guess it is also terrible.
The headlines read today that Canada experienced the warmest January in over 100 years. I guess there are some advantages to Global Warming after all eh? The upside of course will be short-lived; the long term affect, such as our family home in Glovertown being submerged under the waters of Bloody Bay is not as tasty as that beer outside during mid winter.
A dear friend of the family told me something over the holidays that has stuck with me ever since. She filled me in on the total shock and anguish she felt while visiting Toronto this past summer.
For the better part of her life, she has lived in a green existence. Whether that is recycling every container, composting food, turning off all lights, basically she has conserved energy at all times. Imagine the rude awaking of leaving her paradise on the edge of the ocean and entering the concrete jungle.
It suddenly hit her that all of her efforts have been in vain. She is such a small piece of the overall puzzle, that why should any of us even bother. The amount of energy that one of these building exerts in a day is more than I will create in my entire life!
Just a couple of weeks ago it was 18c in St. John’s! Further north in the province, people from the Gander area (the snowiest town in North America) have yet to use their snow mobiles.
But, of course the globe is not warming up, George W. Bush told me so on Fox News, so it must not be true! Our newly elected minority Prime Minister, Stephen Harper will tell you the same story. That is interesting though, because another source shared a story with me that made me believe otherwise.
My grandfather – what do old people know though – also shared his views on our warming planet. For centuries, a people’s very way of life was determined by the regularity of the seasons. Sure, there were times when the weather would go extreme, but for the most part you could set your watch to it.
Every year, he explained, you would count on the seasons to survive. The spring would come at a certain time and you would get your Schooners and ready and launched for the upcoming season. The fishing would last a set amount of time, right before the fall and then the constant cool winds would dry the fish on the flakes. With winter, the frozen bays and ponds allowed you to haul wood for heat. This cycle would continue up until recent times, now weather patterns change to the extremes every year.
I guess the end is inevitable; I for one will enjoy the global warming for the meantime and leave now to grill a couple of burgers outside.
Respect your elders
Tuesday, January 24, 2006 | 1 comments »
A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.
"You grew up in a different, actually almost primitive, world," the student said, loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars...We even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing ...and," pausing to take another drink of beer..
The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany, and said, “You're right, Son. We didn't have those things when we were young........so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little shit head, what are you doing for the next generation?"
"You grew up in a different, actually almost primitive, world," the student said, loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars...We even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing ...and," pausing to take another drink of beer..
The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany, and said, “You're right, Son. We didn't have those things when we were young........so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little shit head, what are you doing for the next generation?"
Best Divorce Letter Ever
Tuesday, January 17, 2006 | 0 comments »
Dear Connie,
I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close.
Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19; with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice-skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit, every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else; some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Oh, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.
Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy."
Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?
It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise, can you let me know where the fucking remote is?
Love,
Dan
I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close.
Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19; with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice-skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit, every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else; some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Oh, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.
Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy."
Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?
It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise, can you let me know where the fucking remote is?
Love,
Dan
Wish I could put my life on pause
Friday, January 13, 2006 | 3 comments »
So many days, I wish that I could stop everything that I am doing here in the civilized world, drop it all without notice and jump on the first plane to Outer Mongolia.
No email, telephones, radios, newspapers, televisions, traffic... basically no technology whatsoever.
It is not to say that I am against where I am or what I am doing, but I think some soul searching is in order and to achieve that I would need to shut off the civilized world we live in. Become a slb, grow a beard and then stroke it as I look into the sky for the answer that I am desperately searching for.
No email, telephones, radios, newspapers, televisions, traffic... basically no technology whatsoever.
It is not to say that I am against where I am or what I am doing, but I think some soul searching is in order and to achieve that I would need to shut off the civilized world we live in. Become a slb, grow a beard and then stroke it as I look into the sky for the answer that I am desperately searching for.
Need a smile
Wednesday, January 11, 2006 | 0 comments »
A few days after her child's birthday, a mother was working in the kitchen whilst listening to her son play with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off - get the hell off now, and all you sons of bitches who are getting on - get your ass’s in the train cause we're leaving right now!"
The mother went into the living room and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room for two hours. When you come out, you may play with your train, but you must use nicer language."
Two hours later, her son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train.
Soon, the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope that you will ride with us again. For those of you just boarding, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember that there is no smoking except in the club car. We hope that you will all have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today. For those of you who are pissed off because of the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
The mother went into the living room and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room for two hours. When you come out, you may play with your train, but you must use nicer language."
Two hours later, her son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train.
Soon, the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope that you will ride with us again. For those of you just boarding, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember that there is no smoking except in the club car. We hope that you will all have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today. For those of you who are pissed off because of the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
I was thinking about the Sheryl Crow show that we are going to see on the 26th of this month and tried to think of other concerts that I have been to in the past. After listing down what I could think of, I realized that a lot of money had been spent over the years...
(**) = Multiple times
50 Cent
Alanis Morisette
Aerosmith
April Wine
Audioslave
Barenaked Ladies
B.B. King
Ben Harper (**)
Better than Ezra
Busta Rhymes
Boston
Breaking Benjamin
Canned Heat
Chevelle
Credence Clearwater Revival (**)
Dave Matthews Band (**)
Def Leppard
Dr. Hook
Eagles
Eminem
Foreigner (**)
Gin Blossoms
Great Big Sea (**)
Heart
I Mother Earth
Incubus (**)
Jack Johnson
Janes Addiction
John Mellencamp
Jurassic 5
Kid Rock (**)
KISS
Lenny Kravitz
Ludacris
Lynyrd Skynyrd
Meat Loaf
Moist
Neil Young
Nelly Furtado
Nine Days
Our Lady Peace (**)
Papa Roach
Pat Benetar
Peter Frampton
Pink
Queens of the Stoneage (**)
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Rod Stewart
Sam Roberts
Sloan
Snoop Dogg
Soul Asslum
Sparta
Steppenwolf (**)
Stone Temple Pilots
Sven Gali
Ted Nuggent (**)
The Secret Machines
The Tea Party (**)
The Tragically Hip
The Verve Pipe
Tom Cochrane
Trust Company
Ugly Kid Joe
Uncle Kracker
Xzibit
DJ's
Armin Van Buuren
Darude
Eric Morillo
Lee Burridge
Mark Oliver
Paul Oakenfeld
The Crystal Method
Tall Paul
(**) = Multiple times
50 Cent
Alanis Morisette
Aerosmith
April Wine
Audioslave
Barenaked Ladies
B.B. King
Ben Harper (**)
Better than Ezra
Busta Rhymes
Boston
Breaking Benjamin
Canned Heat
Chevelle
Credence Clearwater Revival (**)
Dave Matthews Band (**)
Def Leppard
Dr. Hook
Eagles
Eminem
Foreigner (**)
Gin Blossoms
Great Big Sea (**)
Heart
I Mother Earth
Incubus (**)
Jack Johnson
Janes Addiction
John Mellencamp
Jurassic 5
Kid Rock (**)
KISS
Lenny Kravitz
Ludacris
Lynyrd Skynyrd
Meat Loaf
Moist
Neil Young
Nelly Furtado
Nine Days
Our Lady Peace (**)
Papa Roach
Pat Benetar
Peter Frampton
Pink
Queens of the Stoneage (**)
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Rod Stewart
Sam Roberts
Sloan
Snoop Dogg
Soul Asslum
Sparta
Steppenwolf (**)
Stone Temple Pilots
Sven Gali
Ted Nuggent (**)
The Secret Machines
The Tea Party (**)
The Tragically Hip
The Verve Pipe
Tom Cochrane
Trust Company
Ugly Kid Joe
Uncle Kracker
Xzibit
DJ's
Armin Van Buuren
Darude
Eric Morillo
Lee Burridge
Mark Oliver
Paul Oakenfeld
The Crystal Method
Tall Paul
I was wrong! God does exist!
Tuesday, January 10, 2006 | 0 comments »
I just stumbled across this link http://www.tpbmovie.com/ and have been smiling ever since. The only thing better than having a fatty and watching the usual 22 minute episode of Trailer Park Boys, would be having a fat fatty and watching a 90 minute theatrical version of the boys from "back east" in action!
Good times, good times, good times...
Good times, good times, good times...
Drugs are funny
Thursday, January 05, 2006 | 1 comments »
A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You''ll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you''ll see, you''ll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up. "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you''ll feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the rabbit. The giraffe and elephant watch in horror and look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help you." The lion answers, "That little bastard! He makes me run around the forest like a fucking idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"
Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you''ll see, you''ll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up. "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you''ll feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the rabbit. The giraffe and elephant watch in horror and look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help you." The lion answers, "That little bastard! He makes me run around the forest like a fucking idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"
The world is gone July 5th! Won't I feel stupid though if it actually happens... Or will I, Muah ha ha ha ha...
Wednesday, January 04, 2006 | 0 comments »
An invasion of flying saucers will take place on Wednesday, July 5, 2006, according to a controversial sect that encourages belief in UFOs.
(I-Newswire) - UFO CULT GATHERS IN NEW YORK FOR APOCALYPSE
CLEVELAND, Ohio, January 2, 2006: The Church of the SubGenius has announced that the end of the world will take place on Wednesday, July 5, 2006. In preparation for the fulfillment of this doomsday prophecy, the Church is requesting that all of its members participate in a bizarre religious ceremony taking place in upstate New York, during the final weekend before the arrival of the apocalypse.
Since its inception in 1953, Church founder J.R. "Bob" Dobbs has predicted that a fleet of flying saucers will arrive at the beginning of July to destroy the worldwide Conspiracy against the Church of the SubGenius, while all ordained SubGenius ministers will be rescued by escape vessels piloted by the Alien Sex Goddesses, also known as the Xists.
The Church is inviting all of its members worldwide to gather together for the final hours in Sherman, New York from Thursday, June 29 to July 5, at a clothing-optional outdoor campground called Brushwood Folklore Center. The first gathering at this compound took place in 1996, and the event has increased in size and participants each following year. 1998 was designated the first true "X-Day," and each successive year has added one to the total. This year's celebration in 2006 is X-Day 9, or X-Day IX.
The Church has been engaged in a massive recruitment campaign to increase the numbers of its membership before the arrival of the Xists. According to Church records, the organization currently has approximately 100,000 members worldwide. SubGenius recruitment has been especially dedicated among the ranks of people who refuse to conform to the norms of society, including disbelievers, blasphemers, pranksters, rebels, hackers, pornographers, geeks, and outcasts.
The Church is seeking performers and producers from the adult entertainment industry in particular, because sexual freedom has been an important part of Church doctrine from the start. X-Day will be a celebration of pornography and adult entertainment, and certain parts of the event will be restricted to adults only. Only ordained ministers of the Church of the SubGenius are allowed at the event, but the Church is accepting memberships at its standard rate of $30 up until the final hours of July 4.
The Church of the SubGenius has been no stranger to controversy since its foundation, and the upcoming X-Day celebration promises to be no different. In the late 1980s, members of the Church were accused of spreading a virus in Macintosh computers known as the "Peace Virus." Numerous articles have been written on the Church in such noteworthy publications as the New York Times, Washington Post, Wired Online, Boston Globe, U.S. News and World Report; and broadcast reports have been produced by CNN and NPR. In April 1999, officials of the city of Cambridge, Massachusetts shut down an official SubGenius Devival gathering in the belief that the Church was affiliated with the Trenchcoat Mafia ( the organization blamed for the Columbine high school shootings ), though authorities later realized the association was mistaken. In its January 1, 2000 issue, a Time magazine poll declared J.R. "Bob" Dobbs the biggest fraud of the 20th century.
Detailed information about X-Day can be found on the World Wide Web at the X-Day Web site:
http://www.modemac.com/x-day
The official home page of the Church of the SubGenius can be found at:
http://www.subgenius.com
Photographers, entertainers, production companies, radio broadcasters, and all media producers are encouraged to contact the Church at its Cleveland, Ohio headquarters at ( 216 ) 320-9528.
Contact: The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
Phone/Fax: ( 216 ) 320-9528
stang@subgenius.com, jesus@subgenius.com
(I-Newswire) - UFO CULT GATHERS IN NEW YORK FOR APOCALYPSE
CLEVELAND, Ohio, January 2, 2006: The Church of the SubGenius has announced that the end of the world will take place on Wednesday, July 5, 2006. In preparation for the fulfillment of this doomsday prophecy, the Church is requesting that all of its members participate in a bizarre religious ceremony taking place in upstate New York, during the final weekend before the arrival of the apocalypse.
Since its inception in 1953, Church founder J.R. "Bob" Dobbs has predicted that a fleet of flying saucers will arrive at the beginning of July to destroy the worldwide Conspiracy against the Church of the SubGenius, while all ordained SubGenius ministers will be rescued by escape vessels piloted by the Alien Sex Goddesses, also known as the Xists.
The Church is inviting all of its members worldwide to gather together for the final hours in Sherman, New York from Thursday, June 29 to July 5, at a clothing-optional outdoor campground called Brushwood Folklore Center. The first gathering at this compound took place in 1996, and the event has increased in size and participants each following year. 1998 was designated the first true "X-Day," and each successive year has added one to the total. This year's celebration in 2006 is X-Day 9, or X-Day IX.
The Church has been engaged in a massive recruitment campaign to increase the numbers of its membership before the arrival of the Xists. According to Church records, the organization currently has approximately 100,000 members worldwide. SubGenius recruitment has been especially dedicated among the ranks of people who refuse to conform to the norms of society, including disbelievers, blasphemers, pranksters, rebels, hackers, pornographers, geeks, and outcasts.
The Church is seeking performers and producers from the adult entertainment industry in particular, because sexual freedom has been an important part of Church doctrine from the start. X-Day will be a celebration of pornography and adult entertainment, and certain parts of the event will be restricted to adults only. Only ordained ministers of the Church of the SubGenius are allowed at the event, but the Church is accepting memberships at its standard rate of $30 up until the final hours of July 4.
The Church of the SubGenius has been no stranger to controversy since its foundation, and the upcoming X-Day celebration promises to be no different. In the late 1980s, members of the Church were accused of spreading a virus in Macintosh computers known as the "Peace Virus." Numerous articles have been written on the Church in such noteworthy publications as the New York Times, Washington Post, Wired Online, Boston Globe, U.S. News and World Report; and broadcast reports have been produced by CNN and NPR. In April 1999, officials of the city of Cambridge, Massachusetts shut down an official SubGenius Devival gathering in the belief that the Church was affiliated with the Trenchcoat Mafia ( the organization blamed for the Columbine high school shootings ), though authorities later realized the association was mistaken. In its January 1, 2000 issue, a Time magazine poll declared J.R. "Bob" Dobbs the biggest fraud of the 20th century.
Detailed information about X-Day can be found on the World Wide Web at the X-Day Web site:
http://www.modemac.com/x-day
The official home page of the Church of the SubGenius can be found at:
http://www.subgenius.com
Photographers, entertainers, production companies, radio broadcasters, and all media producers are encouraged to contact the Church at its Cleveland, Ohio headquarters at ( 216 ) 320-9528.
Contact: The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
Phone/Fax: ( 216 ) 320-9528
stang@subgenius.com, jesus@subgenius.com
America is not an elephant. For one thing, elephants never forget, whereas Americans don't really know much to begin with. Ninety per cent of them can't pick out their hometown on an unmarked map. We're bigger than they are and we're on top. If we were in prison, they'd be our bitch. -- Rick Mercer
I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it -- Unknown
I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it -- Unknown
I guess that this is the time of the year that many us feel that we have done something in the past year that we should not have. Or perhaps, the case could be that we have not done something that we should have. Either way, making resolutions is not that bad of a concept I suppose.
I have never really been one to make New Years resolutions, never really thought much into it to be honest. I have always felt that if I wanted to change something about myself I could do it whenever I wanted, rather than waiting for a fresh calendar mixed with a little of pressure from society to make me see errors in my ways.
The one thing that I have chosen to do is to stop drinking for a month. Yes, you have read correctly, me stop drinking for a month. I actually achieved this feat several years ago; it lasted 34 days before I wet my lips with the one thing that makes me believe that they actually might be a god. In retrospect, it felt good; I lost 4-5 pounds (all from my lower stomach it seemed), saved money and gave my poor body a rest – the longest dry period since I was 12 years of age.
When I think about it, it’s not so much that I have a physical or mental dependency on the fire water; it is more of a social thing. There is just something about having a drink and shooting the shit, and truth be told there are many people that I associate with that I don’t think I could stomach if we were not a little tipsy. Any case, here I go, wish me luck.
I have never really been one to make New Years resolutions, never really thought much into it to be honest. I have always felt that if I wanted to change something about myself I could do it whenever I wanted, rather than waiting for a fresh calendar mixed with a little of pressure from society to make me see errors in my ways.
The one thing that I have chosen to do is to stop drinking for a month. Yes, you have read correctly, me stop drinking for a month. I actually achieved this feat several years ago; it lasted 34 days before I wet my lips with the one thing that makes me believe that they actually might be a god. In retrospect, it felt good; I lost 4-5 pounds (all from my lower stomach it seemed), saved money and gave my poor body a rest – the longest dry period since I was 12 years of age.
When I think about it, it’s not so much that I have a physical or mental dependency on the fire water; it is more of a social thing. There is just something about having a drink and shooting the shit, and truth be told there are many people that I associate with that I don’t think I could stomach if we were not a little tipsy. Any case, here I go, wish me luck.
A Biography: Rev. Canon John Watkins
Monday, January 02, 2006 | 0 comments »
While I was home this past Christmas, cleaning through some boxes, I came across this old article written about my late Grandfather, John Watkins – as you may or may not know, I am named after this extraordinary man; John Watkins Feltham.
A Biography: Rev. Canon John Watkins
By Walter Simms
Some excerpts from a biography of the Rev. Canon John Watkins
The Rev. John Watkins was born at Barr’d Islands, Notre Dame Bay on August 6, 1900. He was one of three children of Aaron and Mary (nee Eveleigh) Watkins.
He completed school through the tenth grade, having to leave because the teacher had taught him all she could, since that was also the extent of her formal education.
He fished with his father and did carpenter work, until he was 24-years-old, when he entered Queens College and enrolled in the general ordination examination programme.
Very diligent in his studies, he soon caught up and mastered this course. Upon completion he traveled as chaplain with the Right Reverent Bishop White for a year. They navigated the North East Coast of Newfoundland, Costal Labrador and down the Western Coast of the province. Through many arduous storms he tended to comfort the Bishop speaking about the strength of anchors.
In 1930, he was ordained Deacon and in 1931 he was ordained a priest and assumed duties as rector of parish of Harbour Buffett, Placentia Bay. Since there was no doctor there, he was often consulted in matters of illness. He soon began to acquire some knowledge of various maladies by referring to medical text books and he gained a reputation as a doctor to some success. This would remain with him throughout his ministry and follow him to other parts of the province.
Rev. Watkins was an ardent boats man and he travelled around far flung parish in a small boat that carried a little cuddy as an accommodation.
After five years at Harbour Buffett, he traveled by a steamer to Europe via the Mediterranean to Rome where he had an audience with Pope Pius. He traveled overland by rail and across the Straits of Dover to England. There he studied theology at Oxford and Cambridge, following which he spent a few years with the Monks at Mirfield Monastery Yorkshire.
Upon returning to Newfoundland, he spent another six years in Harbour Buffett before taking care of the extensive parish of Hermitage on the south west coast, with communities spanning some eighty miles of coastline. He expected to be there only one year but he completed 27 years there before he retired. He was well received by the congregation and became a man symbolic of the lord in their eyes. During his whole stay at Hermitage, he enjoyed hard work and recreation as well.
The Canon drifts in the matrimonial sea
In 1954 after living the bachelor’s life for so long, he married Beatrice Touchings, daughter of John and Hannah Touchings of Pass Island. They were blessed with four children: Joan in 1955; twin Jocelyn and John in 1957; and Vernon in 1961. They all received their early education in Hermitage.
In 1960, he was installed Canon in the Stall of St. David in the Anglican Cathedral of St. John the Baptist, St. John’s – an honour quite deserved by his Lord’s loyal servant.
Father John and the Dawn
About midway along the south coast of Newfoundland, there are 15 small settlements where fathers and sons worked at fishing and lumbering. At that period there were no roads, but each settlement had its church and school. Every two months a small cabin cruised named “Dawn” came to each settlement bringing their rector, whom they affectionately called “Father John”. For many years, Father John had visited these settlements which made up the parish of Hermitage.
Disaster comes to the Dawn
On one of his trips in the late fall, Father John anchored off shore in Bay D’Espoir, which means Bay of Hope, and rowed ashore to visit his people. It meant an all night stay, and before morning a heavy north east gale stuck the area. The Dawn was on the Ice shore and she dragged her anchors. By early morning she was on the rocks and soon sank in four fathoms of water.
All her gear and motor were rusted by the salt water and the situation looked hopeless for Father John. With his means of transportation gone, there was no way for him to go on with the church work.
But this was the Bay of Hope and no one in this community relaxed in their efforts to revive the Dawn. In three days, crews brought two schooners on the scene and lowered straps of rope around the Dawn. They tied empty gasoline drums to her rails at low tide, and on the high tide she was relocated back to shore between two schooners and pulled up on dry land.
All the men from the area helped Father John as he had helped them. By spring, the Dawn was made seaworthy and was able to go about her business as before.
The Dawn had a lot of history and travel. The Manuel brothers sold her to Elliot Ltd. at Harbour Breton in Fortune Bay, and they in turn sold her to Henry Clement at Burgeo. He last owner was Canon Watkins, who purchased her to serve as a mission boat.
The Dawn ended her days on the shore of Milltown where she was dismantled.
Father John provides food for his people
At one of his settlements, known as Raymond’s Point, there were just six families, and they were fishermen. They had no means to get into the longliner fishery and consequently they were facing starvation.
Some said they should seek relief from the government, while others thought they should move to other places. Father John, however, had the best idea.
He had been a good fisherman on the north east coast, and showed them the millions of herring that came past their cove. He taught them how to knit and set their nets for herring. He had barrels made and he imported the best salt and vinegar for the cure of herring.
He went fishing with them at the start and he found them markets for their excellent product. Now a mechanized factory stands by the wharf and thousands of barrels of herring are exported annually. Prosperity had come to Raymond Point, and since then, to several other settlements that are learning their new way.
Canon John Watkins comes to the end of the road
On all Saints Day, November 1, 1985 while visiting one of his daughters at Wesleyville, Bonavista Bay, he died suddenly. He was 85-years-old.
The Requiem Eucharist funeral service was held at Christ Church, Milltown on November 4. It was officiated by the Right Reverend Mark Genge, Bishop of the Diocese of Central Newfoundland, and assisted by Father Frank Kirby, rector of the parish of Miltown.
Bishop Mark pays tribute
In his address, Bishop Gene paid tribute to the devotion of Canon Watkins. He compared him to St. Paul who travelled extensively by sea to administer the Lord’s word and teachings. However, Canon Watkins outdid St. Paul in one regard. Canon Watkins was shipwrecked four times while St. Paul had been stranded three times.
The bishops text was from Deuteronomy, chapter 33, verse 27, “The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting Arms.”
A Biography: Rev. Canon John Watkins
By Walter Simms
Some excerpts from a biography of the Rev. Canon John Watkins
The Rev. John Watkins was born at Barr’d Islands, Notre Dame Bay on August 6, 1900. He was one of three children of Aaron and Mary (nee Eveleigh) Watkins.
He completed school through the tenth grade, having to leave because the teacher had taught him all she could, since that was also the extent of her formal education.
He fished with his father and did carpenter work, until he was 24-years-old, when he entered Queens College and enrolled in the general ordination examination programme.
Very diligent in his studies, he soon caught up and mastered this course. Upon completion he traveled as chaplain with the Right Reverent Bishop White for a year. They navigated the North East Coast of Newfoundland, Costal Labrador and down the Western Coast of the province. Through many arduous storms he tended to comfort the Bishop speaking about the strength of anchors.
In 1930, he was ordained Deacon and in 1931 he was ordained a priest and assumed duties as rector of parish of Harbour Buffett, Placentia Bay. Since there was no doctor there, he was often consulted in matters of illness. He soon began to acquire some knowledge of various maladies by referring to medical text books and he gained a reputation as a doctor to some success. This would remain with him throughout his ministry and follow him to other parts of the province.
Rev. Watkins was an ardent boats man and he travelled around far flung parish in a small boat that carried a little cuddy as an accommodation.
After five years at Harbour Buffett, he traveled by a steamer to Europe via the Mediterranean to Rome where he had an audience with Pope Pius. He traveled overland by rail and across the Straits of Dover to England. There he studied theology at Oxford and Cambridge, following which he spent a few years with the Monks at Mirfield Monastery Yorkshire.
Upon returning to Newfoundland, he spent another six years in Harbour Buffett before taking care of the extensive parish of Hermitage on the south west coast, with communities spanning some eighty miles of coastline. He expected to be there only one year but he completed 27 years there before he retired. He was well received by the congregation and became a man symbolic of the lord in their eyes. During his whole stay at Hermitage, he enjoyed hard work and recreation as well.
The Canon drifts in the matrimonial sea
In 1954 after living the bachelor’s life for so long, he married Beatrice Touchings, daughter of John and Hannah Touchings of Pass Island. They were blessed with four children: Joan in 1955; twin Jocelyn and John in 1957; and Vernon in 1961. They all received their early education in Hermitage.
In 1960, he was installed Canon in the Stall of St. David in the Anglican Cathedral of St. John the Baptist, St. John’s – an honour quite deserved by his Lord’s loyal servant.
Father John and the Dawn
About midway along the south coast of Newfoundland, there are 15 small settlements where fathers and sons worked at fishing and lumbering. At that period there were no roads, but each settlement had its church and school. Every two months a small cabin cruised named “Dawn” came to each settlement bringing their rector, whom they affectionately called “Father John”. For many years, Father John had visited these settlements which made up the parish of Hermitage.
Disaster comes to the Dawn
On one of his trips in the late fall, Father John anchored off shore in Bay D’Espoir, which means Bay of Hope, and rowed ashore to visit his people. It meant an all night stay, and before morning a heavy north east gale stuck the area. The Dawn was on the Ice shore and she dragged her anchors. By early morning she was on the rocks and soon sank in four fathoms of water.
All her gear and motor were rusted by the salt water and the situation looked hopeless for Father John. With his means of transportation gone, there was no way for him to go on with the church work.
But this was the Bay of Hope and no one in this community relaxed in their efforts to revive the Dawn. In three days, crews brought two schooners on the scene and lowered straps of rope around the Dawn. They tied empty gasoline drums to her rails at low tide, and on the high tide she was relocated back to shore between two schooners and pulled up on dry land.
All the men from the area helped Father John as he had helped them. By spring, the Dawn was made seaworthy and was able to go about her business as before.
The Dawn had a lot of history and travel. The Manuel brothers sold her to Elliot Ltd. at Harbour Breton in Fortune Bay, and they in turn sold her to Henry Clement at Burgeo. He last owner was Canon Watkins, who purchased her to serve as a mission boat.
The Dawn ended her days on the shore of Milltown where she was dismantled.
Father John provides food for his people
At one of his settlements, known as Raymond’s Point, there were just six families, and they were fishermen. They had no means to get into the longliner fishery and consequently they were facing starvation.
Some said they should seek relief from the government, while others thought they should move to other places. Father John, however, had the best idea.
He had been a good fisherman on the north east coast, and showed them the millions of herring that came past their cove. He taught them how to knit and set their nets for herring. He had barrels made and he imported the best salt and vinegar for the cure of herring.
He went fishing with them at the start and he found them markets for their excellent product. Now a mechanized factory stands by the wharf and thousands of barrels of herring are exported annually. Prosperity had come to Raymond Point, and since then, to several other settlements that are learning their new way.
Canon John Watkins comes to the end of the road
On all Saints Day, November 1, 1985 while visiting one of his daughters at Wesleyville, Bonavista Bay, he died suddenly. He was 85-years-old.
The Requiem Eucharist funeral service was held at Christ Church, Milltown on November 4. It was officiated by the Right Reverend Mark Genge, Bishop of the Diocese of Central Newfoundland, and assisted by Father Frank Kirby, rector of the parish of Miltown.
Bishop Mark pays tribute
In his address, Bishop Gene paid tribute to the devotion of Canon Watkins. He compared him to St. Paul who travelled extensively by sea to administer the Lord’s word and teachings. However, Canon Watkins outdid St. Paul in one regard. Canon Watkins was shipwrecked four times while St. Paul had been stranded three times.
The bishops text was from Deuteronomy, chapter 33, verse 27, “The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting Arms.”
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